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Thursday 24 September 2015

# 16 - Becoming an uncle - A lighter take (Part 1 of 2)

When does a boy become a man?
And when does a man, become an uncle ji?

There comes a point in life when a guy realises that he isn't as young as he thought himself to be...this realisation may be self inflicted, (yaar, pehle toh itna daaru araam se pee leta tha, aur hangover bhi nahin, par ab....loosely and badly translated: dude, I used to be able to last through drinking sessions like this, with no hangovers, but now...).

But in all likelihood, its someone else that points out that you are past the glorious binge drinking, high fiving, all night partying, college girl eyeing age.

I was probably 26 or 27, in my head still a teenager. It was a working day, but I had left office relatively early; standing near my housing society, I was lost in my own world, pondering the options I had before me, buying a 500ml bottle of Coke or a 1 litre one. I had recently found out that one of my roommates had been consuming most of my drinks and diluting them with water (if by any chance the said roommate is reading this....yes I knew, I always knew, but you wouldn't want to know what I mixed in those drinks after that).

The choice became much easier to make once I saw that I had the princely sum of thirty seven rupees in my wallet, and I headed towards the little shop at the corner of the street that sold everything from Paan to Porn, little knowing that on my way, I would be coming face to face with the ugly truth that would change my life forever.

A tennis ball came rolling towards me from the overpopulated playground full of aspiring Sachin Tendulkars and Ronaldos, (ironically, no Federers) and I wondered whether I should kick or throw the ball back to the hopeful but impatient lanky sardar boy looking at me.

And then the said sardar boy, uttered those dreadful words...

"O Uncle, ball dijiye na"  - "Hey uncle, gimme the ball."

I froze, unsure if he was addressing me, I was used to being called Bhaiya, Bhai, Beta and other salutations starting with the letter B, but Uncle? I looked around, hoping I wasn't the intended recipient of the U word, but it was me alright.

I awkwardly picked up the ball and threw it to him, he was probably still a school going kid, or maybe had just joined college, why would he call me 'Uncle'?

By then the thought of getting the coke had fizzled out, I went to the chemist shop and enquired about the cream that would help wipe out the seven signs of aging from my face. I expected the guy at the counter to show seven signs of surprise at my absurd request.

He didn't.

Not even when I said that the cream was for my grandma. All he did was calmly point out to me that the magic potion was available for 650 bucks, and no, I couldn't pay him later on.

Approximately twenty minutes later, I was back home, the miracle inducing gooey ointment smeared all over my face.

I had to stay young, I wasn't done being a youngster. No college kid was ever going to call me an Uncle again.

Well, at least not for the next ten years or so....

To be continued.....


  1. How long does we wait for Part 2?

    1. By next Saturday..
      Assume that you liked (or identified with) the content ...

    2. By next Saturday..
      Assume that you liked (or identified with) the content ...